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Barney & Friends Vs. Jurassic Park

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Barney & Friends vs. Jurassic Park
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The Orphanarium

The Set-Up
 
"Okay! Let's sing the wheels on the bus song!" Barney The Dinosaur says to a bus load of kids.
 
"Oh the wheels on the bus go round and round!" The kids sing.
 
"Hmm...If we want to get to the biggest playground ever in Minnesota before dark we better ask for directions. Maybe someone in this park can tell us a shortcut." Barney says as he drives into the park.
 
"It doesn't look like anyones here Barney." Baby Bop says to him.
 
"Let's keep driving until we find a ranger station." Barneys says to baby bop.
 
"Look out!" BJ shouts to Barney.
 
Barney,about to crash into a tree, is unable to grasp the emergency break with no fingers.
 
They crash.
 
"Is everyone okay?" Barney asks.
 
"Yes" everyone says back.
 
"Well. Good thing I always carry my cellphone! Now I can call AAA!" Barney says. He then dials the phone.
 
"Oh no!" Barney says. "They can't get here until tommorow morning! I guess we'll have to stay the night!" Barney tells everyone.
 
Later That Night:

A pack of velociraptors eyes the group of kids and their three pacifist dino-pals waiting to strike.
 

barneypark.jpg

BRAD: Barney's team will escape Jurassic Park. To win this fight at least one person from Barney's team must survive. JP kills everyone JP wins. One Barney teammate survives the night barney wins. Anyways here’s why Barney will win. Velociraptors, the smartest dinosaurs in Jurassic Park couldn't kill two kids. How the hell are they supposed to kill a bus-load? Sure Barney will probably die. He'll try and make friends with a T-Rex and be swallowed alive. Just like Weird Al predicted. The deaf kid will probably die to. He won't here anything sneaking up on him and the 5 year olds will struggle with dinosaur in sign language. Plus Baby Bop and BJ don't have fingers. BJ will die due to low popularity and a bunch of others will die. But in the end I find little Suzy being rescued by AAA.

RILEY: People just think about it. This fight is absurd. I mean think about it there are carnivourous dinosaurs against kids and and a guy in dinosaur suit and can't even figure out who stole the cookies from the cookie jar. They will all get eaten alive. Barney will probally get eaten by a triceratops. That's how hated he is. How do think a bunch of 3 year olds a moron in a purple suit will stand up against velociraptors and other carnivorous dinosaurs.

 

The Fight:

Brad: I’m gonna leave this on-spot commentary to everyone’s favorite aardvark, Arthur!

Arthur: Well hello. I hope everyone’s having a good day! It seems Barney’s gang is having a campfire. Singing songs and roasting marshmallows. Say, where’d the marshmallows come from? Anyways it seems the some velociraptors are watching them from behind the bushes. They are getting ready to go to sleep. But hey. I here stomping. Whoa! It’s a T-Rex! The kids are watching it comes towards them!

T-Rex: ROOOOOOAAAARRRR!!!!!

Arthur: Barney goes up to it.

Barney: Hi! Do you want to sing a song? We could sing the hokey pokey!

Arthur: The T-Rex leans down and bites into a kid!

Barney: Well! No need to be so rude!

Arthur: The T-Rex, OH NO! He eats the kid! He leans back down and gets two more kids in one bite! Barney gang gets the idea to run away! They run and run! Oh no! They ran into the raptors!

Barney: Well hi! Do you know why that big dinosaur over there is so unhappy? Maybe you could help us cheer him up!

Arthur: The raptors leap on top of him and rip him to shreds! They then go towards others. They all run. The raptors tackle down and kill/eat 10 of them! Including BJ! There’s only 3 kids and Baby Bop left! They run until they find a toppled over van. They climb in there. They…run outside? There’s only Baby Bop and two kids! There was 3 before! Oh no! Tons of tiny little green dinosaurs start running outside of the van after the rest of them! They run and run! They wind up in the way of some Brontosauruses! They crush Baby Bop and one kid. All that’s left is one boy! It’s horrible! HORRIBLE!!!

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Final Votes:

Jurassic Park 25 (69%)

Devours

Barney & Friends 11 (31%)

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Arthur: A flying dinosaur swoops down and picks him up! No idea what’s going to happen to him. Wait. They’re all dead. Yes. Excellent. Now I only need to eliminate those Teletoobies or whatever their called and I’ll be the most popular TV show on PBS! Yes. Yes! YEEEEEEEEES!!!!

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Viewer Comment Of The Week:

Jurassic park should win! The real dinosaurs will shred those guys in suits. Barney (and friends) are not fighting. They'll try to play ring-around-the-rosie with them. Ring-around-the- *rip ,shred ,tear, blood gushing out everywhere*. Their is no contest, barney will be the wreckage at the wreckage site-Jesse

That Ring-Round-The-*rip, shred, tear* thing was too good to not deserve a reward.

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J Dog back here. Come on, even these dinosaurs know of one thing; they will give Barney NO mercy! Here is how it goes, Barney & his friend, Wesley Crusher, come into Jurassic Park, wanting to get a few of these dinos to get back at the Grudge Match Champions. Barney wants to hypnotize them by singing the dreaded "I Love You" song, but soon the T-Rex comes by & snaps Barney in half out of rage. He then spits it out, knowing how much of a Spazoid Barney is (they don't taste good). Wesley, fearing for his life, runs off, only to fall down a waterfall & meet up with a small dinosaur. He offers it a stick, & slowly walks away. However, when he reaches a tree, he discovers that it ain't a nice dino... it's the same dino that killed Wayne Knight!!! It spits goo at his pimply face &... NOTE: This part deleted for tastefulness to the viewers. Next day, the soldiers come here to discover the "horror" & rejoice. We never have to see Barney again!!!

Nice to see you back J Dog!  - Eds

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Ok, let's get one thing straight first: Barney should be eating those kids. I mean, he's a dinosaur, and kids are the natural dinosaur food. What, you don't believe me? If you were a 15-foot tall walking lizard with razor-sharp claws and teeth, would you rather eat a cheeseburger or a kidburger? And which one is nearby? The kidburger. The Jurassic Park dinos are simply following their natural instincts, which cannot be stopped. At first they will start by ripping the "dinosaurs" that are with the lame kids who can't even stay still for 5 seconds, then chase down and devour each of the kids. And just for the heck of it, let's assume one of the kids gets a shotgun. He tries to blow away one of the raptors, misses, hits a power line which falls on him and fries him. Now the raptors have got a cooked kidburger. That will make them even more ravenous, and then they will kill the kids even faster. And I bet AAA will get eaten too. Stupid AAA. They make bad maps. They deserve to get eaten. -Chester M., a.k.a. xtishereb

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|3 4 |2 |\| 3 Y | 5 7 3 # R 0 X 0 R !!!!!!11!!1!shift!!1!

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I mean come on, Jurassic Park dinosaurs kill people, that’s enough right there for me to chose them. But barney is stupid and a f***** retard for little kids and losers. There a bus full of kids outside and I don’t think bloodthirsty dinosaurs will pass that one up. What the f*** is barney gonna do? scare them away with his songs of gayness?! Jurassic park will win definitely. They will just rip them to shreds and devour them then maybe for fun throw them around. ~Bottom Line, Jurassic Park WILL win~ -Psycho

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