Brad: Well I’m here in Times Square with Marvin. He starts talking to people.
Marvin: Brain the size of a planet! Help navigate the ship Marvin! Go get the hitchhikers
Marvin! Go get me some Ritz crackers Marvin! I wish they would all just die. It’s so depressing.
Brad: The few people who were listening just walk away, rolling their eye balls. No success
for Marvin. Lets see how Strong sad’s doing.
Strong Sad: …and the little puppet fell into the fire along with his only friend, the
greased rag. The resulting flames caused the house to burn down and everyone in it died.
Brad: 10 people walk away in tears. Current score: Marvin: 0 Strong Sad: 23
Marvin: This isn’t working. Hey…hey you!
Marvin: Everyone on Earth will die. Nobody really likes you and your all just pawns in one
big depressing game of chess.
Man: You really put it all in perspective for me. I guess I’ll go lie down in an alley.
Brad: Hmm… Marvin’s doing good with his whole “your worthless” stories.
Marvin’s just going up to random people and telling them that. It works on most people. Marvin’s strongly taking
a lead. Let’s look at Strong sad.
Strong Sad: So the man decided to sacrifice his life so his children could live.
Brad: Man it’s close. Strong sad’s getting them by the bundle while Marvin’s
getting a lot in a short amount of time. It could go to anybody. Hmm… 20 minutes left.
Marvin: I’m losing by five people. I better start speeding it up a bit. Umm…
Marvin: Your mother just died.
Woman: What? How do you know that!?!?
Marvin: Well I’m an experimental prototype used by doctors to deliver bad news to relatives.
Woman: I didn’t even know she was in the hospital.
Brad: The woman runs off crying.
Marvin The Android 17 (52%)
Strong Sad 16 (48%)
Marvin (To some kids): I have to tell you…never mind. It’s all so depressing.
I guess I’ll just give…
Brad: Time is up! Marvin is the winner by depressing 42 people! Strong sad only had 36!
Viewer Comment Of the Week:
Though Strong Sad may be a shock-jock radio personality, and have a blog, and know tai chi, and rat out Strong
Bad on a consistent basis, but there's not matching Marvin's attempts at pity. I mean, he spent over a million years waiting
for people to arrive at a restaurant after they left him behind in the past, and then flew a ship into the sun, then landing
on a swamp planet, destroying a bridge, then being abducted by killer robots, then somehow getting to a planet that has God's
last message to his creation ("We apologize for the inconvenience"), all the while leaving a trail of people who need anti-depressants
and extreme therapy behind him. And the ship. Who can forget that police ship? The one he made kill itself by talking to it,
killing two cops in the process. If that doesn't say "Contagious Depression", I don't know what does. Depressing all people
within 50 miles of New York City in an hour should be a snap for him. If not, well, I guess he can rock some iambic perimeter
at Strong Sad's victory party, with Homsar. -Chester, a.k.a. xtishereb
Other Lesser Comments:
Strong sad should win because I don’t know who Marvin is-Jesse ( unless your talking about Marvin the Martian,
Well what do we have here? A manically depressed robot and a big elephant footed loser who is constantly the butt
of cruel joke. At least Marvin gets to fly through space.
riley says also to much