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Yoda vs. E.T

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The Orphanarium

The Set-Up:
 
"AND WELCOME BACK TO THE FNF ARENA!" A Loudspeaker booms. "LAST TIME YOU SAW TOUCAN SAM AND THE COCOA PUFFS BIRD FIGHT TO THE DEATH! THIS TIME TO ALIENS WILL FIGHT FOR TITLE OF 'SMALL WRINKLEY ALIEN THAT LOOKS LIKE A MUPPET'"!
 
The crowd cheers.
 
"ON THE RIGHT, YO-YO-YO-YO YODAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The Loudspeaker booms.
 
Yoda walks in and the crowd cheers.
 
"ON THE LEFT. E.TEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" The loudspeaker booms again.
 
E.T Walks in and the crowd cheers.
 
"NOW! THESE TWO WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR THE TITLE OF 'LITTLE WRINKLEY ALIEN THAT LOOKS LIKE A MUPPET!' WE ARE IMMUNE TO JEDI MIND TRICKS! FIGHT!"
 
Special Thanks to Pfisiar for suggesting this match.

yoda-et.jpg

The Commentary:
 

Riley: People Yoda kicks ASS ok well yea E.T. has a healing hand or finger or whatever but Yoda has the force...and a lightsaber. yea E.T. could adapt and stuff but Yoda will rip E.T. apart...easy. this is one of those fights where you just wonder what E.T. was thinking going against this Jedi dude. I mean really. Yoda will throw E.T. around like a rag doll. and he will cut E.T. in half easier then a knife threw butter.....very soft wussy butter...

Brad: As much as I hate to admit it E.T is the winner here. His finger does more than heal. He can turn invisible with it to! What Yoda can’t see WILL hurt him! The Force has nothing on a kick to the balls! Headbutts work too.

Eventually Yoda will be weak enough for his skin to slice from E.T’s finger nail. That’s when E.T will win. Yoda will be the soft wussy bitter!

The Fight:

Brad: Well I’m here in the sports box of the FNF arena. The contestants are walking into the arena.

They enter. The Bell rings. Yoda raises his hand. E.T raises his glowing finger.
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Final Votes:

Yoda 37 (52%)

Mind Slices

E.T 34 (48%)
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Brad: E.T’s fingers rips off out of nowhere! Then his whole arm. His other arm. His legs. One of his eyes. His kidney bursts out.

Yoda: Medic E.T will phone.

Brad: All I have to say is don’t mess with the force.

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A note from Brad: The reason for the insane amount of votes was unfortunately not due to popularity. But instead the E.T Grass Roots Campaign stuffed a ton of E.T votes into the voting box. There’s no way of telling how many times they (he?) voted so they will remain. But we have figured out how to make it so you can only vote once from the same IP address per match. Now enjoy the viewer comments. This will be the highest vote getting match for the time being but we do know that all Yoda votes were legit. (Not sure about legit E.T votes.) - Brad

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Viewer Comment of the Week:

Man, this seriously is no contest. None whatsoever. Not only is Yoda already a muppet, but he has THE FORCE! I didn't see E.T. (the movie), but I'm sure it's a very wonderful 80's film, with an equally wonderful Atari game (for those of you who don't know, the E.T. Atari game was pretty much the worst game ever. Rumor has it that all the unsold copies were buried in a landfill in the desert). As far as I know, E.T. can run from the government, heal kid's hands if they get cut by a saw blade, and fly. LAME. Not only can Yoda throw a saw blade with the force hard enough to cut OFF a kid's hand, kill the evil government, and fly using the force, but he can kill anyone reading this. You think E.T. can dodge a lightsaber wielded by a fast old-school guy with over 300 years of training and practice? Think again. As far as I know, the only people who'd be able to stand up to that would be people who also have lightsabers, which E.T. is not one of. E.T. can adapt, huh? Think he can adapt to being dead? In conclusion, Yoda, the short green force-powered muppet can beat the fiberglass outa E.T., the family-friendly alien from the 80's. I just love these fights to the death. -Chester M., a.k.a. xtishereb

I believe they were buried next to the Jesus Christ Action Figures and a bunch of radioactive waste.

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Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater Award:

It's merely the E.T. Grass Roots Campaign! Woo!

Okay you guys. Or guy. Or girl. Whoever you are Your votes will count this fight. But we’ve figured out how to only let people vote once. You’ve also given us an idea for a fight. The E.T Grassroots Campaign vs. the Braveheart Jihad (There is no Jihad)™. -Eds.

P.S (There is no E.T Grassroots Campaign vs. Braveheart Jihad (There Is No Jihad) ™ fight)

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Other Lesser Comments:

Here's how the fight goes; Yoda enters the arena & says, "Strong appear not you are." to E.T. Knowing E.T., a small alien who did nothing mean & was a tearjerker would say the only line he does know, "Phone home." Yoda then sees E.T. life his finger up & notices it glow, so he draws his lightsaber & like the battle against Count Dooku, this was no contest. Yoda wins easily. go Star Wars!- J Dog

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Yoda would win this too easily. He's Yoda. And E.T.'s too slow and stupid to dodge.

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You're kidding. Right?

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In my opinion this entire contest seems like a joke. Yoda is the most powerful Jedi-Master in existence. He's lifted a starship into the air, and tossed it aside. Less than a week before he died. Go back twenty years or so (TO Episode III's time.), and you're faced with an unstoppable force. And if any one's a Star Wars fan they've seen Yoda with a lightsaber... It's just insane. In any case, I'd be surprised if a single person voted for E.T. ::The Porqukat::

Surprised, ready you must get.

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How is this even a contest!!?? Yoda will pull out a lightsaber, use the force to make E.T stay still and shred him into little bits.-Jesse

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ET could heal himself, yes, but Yoda will be too quick on him. SLICE SLICE SLICE!-An Eskimo

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